Just watch any broadcast of the evening news in the United States, and it’s hard not to think that this country is going to hell in a handbasket. Our government is totally dysfunctional; deadly drought, rampant wildfires and countless other natural disasters plague the continent; and shocking violent acts have pitted policemen against the population they vow to protect. It’s all terribly depressing, isn’t it?
Well, dear readers, in the spirit of misery loving company, we thought you might enjoy knowing that things aren’t much better in the marmot world.
Sad, but true.
When we were hiking last summer in India, we had the opportunity to observe these furry creatures on several different occasions, and, believe you me, we were absolutely stunned by what we saw.
Now normally, marmot culture is pretty chillaxed. We’ve run into them numerous times while hiking here in the US, and there was absolutely no cause for concern. They were all doing their natural marmot things: lazing in the sun on warm rocks, frollicking in fields of lupine, and whistling to each other whenever a stranger wandered into their neighborhood. We have to admit, traditional marmot life seems like a pretty idyllic existence. If this whole teacher thing doesn’t work out, we might be tempted to give it a try.
But that was then. It seems that today is a whole ‘nother story.
For example, we ran into a gang of young marmots on the trail on a day trip to Ganda La in Ladakh, and their parents were nowhere to be seen.
The little critters were left at home, unattended, with absolutely no adult supervision, like latch-key children. Yeah, that’s right, “Go ahead kids, help yourself to whatever you find in the refrigerator” or “Make yourself a dang quesadilla, Napoleon.” What’s to become of young children when parents simply jet off to the meadow to sit by a patch of flowers and sun themselves leaving their kids all alone?
Never mind the fact that these little guys weren’t getting their homework done. With the front and back doors unlocked, these young marmots simply sat on the front porch of their marmot holes, idly watching as these two humans edged their way closer and closer with loaded cameras aimed right at them.
They didn’t have a care in the world, no sense of danger, not worried in the slightest that their images would be spread all over social media.
Poor things, never saw it coming. They even appeared on the latest episode of Marmots Gone Wild. See here for yourself:
As if that weren’t disturbing enough, we rounded the corner to see a pair of grown marmots brawling in the street, totally disrupting the Himalayan peace. It appears that law and order is rapidly deteriorating in Marmotsville. It’s clear that there’s a new sheriff in town, but he must be on lunch, gone fishin’ or taking a siesta, because—would you believe—not one marmot stopped to intervene and break up this
tete-a-tete paw-a-paw! It felt like the Old West, as if “This mountain ain’t big enough for the two of us,” so “Put up your paws, and may the best marmot win.”
As street fights go, it was pretty impressive, but I guess we’ve become so accustomed to the allure of violence that we accept this kind of marmot-on-marmot madness as merely normal. Apparently, the whole squabble started over a lady marmot. See here for yourself:
Another clear sign that Marmotsville is definitely on the decline is an alarming rise in the practice of hoarding trash. I mean, we all like to collect stuff, right? Some of us take it to extremes, collecting old National Geographics, bobble heads or expensive camera gear. They even make TV shows now about folks who go too far in their obsession for stuff. It’s just really sad to see that this social ill has bled over into the marmot world.
Poor creatures are gathering up candy wrappers, bottles and other refuse from passing hikers and sitting on it like Smaug jealously guarding the dwarf hoarde in the Lonely Mountain. Some marmots have deranged expressions as they clutch on to napkins and play with them, like Gollum saying “My precious” or “What has it got in its pocketses?”
Something is rotten in the state of Marmotsville! “O Tempora, O Mores” What is the marmot world coming to?!?!